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Damn Thats Some Real Talk: Smoker Laws
Earlier on Twitter there was a conversation about smoker pet Peeves. That inspired a thought, Smoker Laws!
Ran into somebody's Laws on Facebook and decided to share them with you. Instead of just abiding by these rules, let's create our own Laws. If you are down put your suggestions in the comment section and the best "Laws" will be posted and made apart of the "Only4TheReal Smoker Rules". All Participation is appreciated. Shoutout @MsBradford @ItsJustPay @Cause87th @Courtn3yMichelle  

It's long so Keep up!
1. Thou shalt not turn down a smoke. Never! This is the definitive rule to live by!

2. The person who rolls the blunt (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the blunt and get first hits.

3. If someone rolls a nice blunt, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills.

4. If someone starts bogarting the bowl and starts using the excuse that its okay for them to bogart it since it's their weed, this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the weed and how much they put in. (If it was real crappy and they were real cheap with it, then you rag on them.

5. If someone is too uncoordinated to light the bowl (due to being too stoned or the person is just a retard, then they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. This does not mean the person who lights gets free hits... this privilege tends to get abused.

6. When it is your turn to hit the blunt, take your hit and then pass it on. some people have a tendency to tell a story or something whenever it is their turn and hold on to the joint for a long time. We call this "Nursing the blunt" .

7. If someone is so stoned that they blow into the bowl and blow all the shit on the floor, this person must be ragged on and the person can't smoke on the next round (unless it was their stuff) .

8. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let them eat some of the food you may have lying around. Munchies happen, so don't be cheap with your food.

9. On the other side of this, always offer to go on a food run, especially if the person whose house it is got you high.

10. If someone does offer you food, don't totally pig-out on it. They had to pay for it, and most people have better uses for their money than buying food for their guests. (Like buying more weed)

11. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, while stoned and sucking nitrous oxide out of a balloon in the presence of two bongs abruptly decide to stand on your head, as you may topple over, spilling both bongs and getting bongwater all over the carpet.

12. If someone asks for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. (cottonmouth is not fun)

13. Converse of the above: if you ask for a sip, don't take a large gulp .

14. If smoking a bluntor a bowl, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet. It's disgusting.

15. If you're smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for a whole other hit, you should save the smoke in the chamber for the next person. (don't let go of the shotgun and take it all yourself)

16. Never bogart!

17. Never bitch about someone else's weed being no good! If you don't like it don't smoke it!

18. If a friend gets you high sometime in the future you need to get that friend high.

19. NEVER, and I repeat NEVER take a shot of bong water, not even on a dare. It tastes like complete ass and you will more than likely puke from it.

20. If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a blunt, (a small one, if you wish) and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.

21. If a person passes on one round DO NOT assume that they are passing on the next round.

22. It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl, without notifying that person of its possible cashed-ness. A proper warning would be "Here ya go...I think it might be cashed."

23. The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn't matter whose bowl it is.

24. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high.

25. Always ask before lighting a cigarette, just because a person lets you smoke-out in their house does not mean that you can smoke cigarettes.

26. If you are smoking with two other people and you are the middle person, you do not get a hit every time it passes you. Just because you are in the middle does not allow you extra hits.

27. Cover your mouth when the hit kicks your ass and you start coughing and spitting all over the place!!

28. When you are high, try to be careful about the homeowner's stuff. Being "so high" is not an excuse for breaking stuff.

29. Again, when using a bong, don't blow out the ashes, unless that's what the "homeowner" does.

30. Never go to someone's house expecting him or her to get you high. Thank them when they do get you high.

31. If you spill the bong, clean it up! (And don't forget to put water back in it!)

32. When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, put the roach in a bowl and finish it that way.

33. If someone smokes you out and you have weed of your own, it's polite to match at least one bowl.

34. If you're a pot "virgin" or a light weight, let the fact be known. No one likes getting thrown up on or having a passed out stranger on their hands due to unexperienced toking. .

35. If you've been invitied to toke with someone don't bring stangers along unless the "tokey" is alright with it..

36. If you do bring someone along with you make sure they aren't buzz killers, mooches, or narcs.

37. Don't drool in the bong when taking a hit. There's nothing worse then watching a person salivate in your bong then pass it on.

38. If you are privileged enough to afford nugs constantly, don't bitch about everyone else's schwag.

39. Don't be the shady one that leaves someone out of a circle just because they happen to be in the next room at that point in time.

40. If you drop the joint, everyone who is smoking gets to slap you on the hand once.

41. Do not smoke and run. It is very rude to smoke at the owners house and then leave straight away, unless they want you to.

42. When smoking out of your buddys glass, never clean their bowl or shine their glass for them without asking. They may like the bowl resignated, or the glass dull.

43. If you're in a large group of people and only one person has weed, do not keep asking them to smoke. They are too many to smoke out sometimes. People don't want to waste all their money on everyone else.

44. When smoking a joint or a blunt, dont ash the ashes on the floor if you are inside.

45. Dont jack anyone's lighter.

46. If smoking in a dorm room, always pass the cheater directly after passing the bowl.

47. Always remember to smoke as much as possible and when you are fucked up quit, you wouldn't want to waste weed. When you're high you're high.

48. While smoking weed and you have to cough, never hold it in just because no one else has coughed. If you have to cough, cough (You get more stoned after you cough anyways).

49. Always rag on somebody you know can't handle much but tries to clear a monster bong rip, and coughs their fuckin' brains out and pukes. (especially in front of women).

50. If the animals around enjoy smoke just as much as the people do, blow one their way. DON'T EVER FORCE SMOKE TO AN ANIMAL.

51. If you don't know which way to pass it, just pass it to the left (You are supposed to anyway).

52. Never mess with the lighter when someone wants to light the bowl.

53. When waiting in the rotation for the smoke, dont anxiously put your hand out, it'll get there. On the converse, if someone's bogarting the smoke, politely or humorously let them know, but it's never cool to bitch.

54. If smoking a lot of someone's treez, always offer to throw down funds or to buy food or drinks...don't be a taker.

55. If for some reason you are to break the bowl/bong that you're using, you are obligated to buy one of equal value in the NEAR future.

56. When someone asks you if you have a match to their bowl, and you do, it is polite to say so.

57. Never under any circumstances touch anybody else's bud without asking.

58. When smoking in a friend's car, never open the windows (unless they ask you), this allows everyone to enjoy the smog.

59. You are not doing anyone a favor by smoking their weed. Never expect them to get up in order to pass you the bowl or remind them every time it's their hit.

60. If you are ever to hit off a gravity bong and cash a whole bowl in one hit, be prepared to spit and cough all over the place, requiring you to need water. Also be polite if your friend needs water and don't hand them an empty cup. Prepare to be stoned as hell.

61. Treat your smoke-out buddy the way you wanna be treated.

62. When you say you are going to match a bowl, make sure you can before you say so. And make sure it's of the same quality.

63. Don't ever ask anyone who doesn't know how to roll a blunt, to roll a blunt. Its just a waste of weed, and time.

64. If you are with your friends and you tell them you'll smoke with them and get them high as hell, don't tell them if you are only going to smoke about 3 hits worth, cause that's nothing but a weed tease!

65. If the joint or blunt starts to run (aka canoe), don't just keep on smoking, FIX THE RUN!

66. If you are going to smoke a joint or blunt and you didn't either buy the smoke or put in on it, at least offer to buy the papers or the Phillies.

67. Don't ever mess up the rotation. This could cause someone to lose their hit. You would not want to be skipped, so why would someone else want to?

68. Always ash the blunt or joint before passing it. It sucks getting ashes on your clothes.

69. If you are smoking a blunt or joint of someone else's weed, ASK them what they want to do with the roach. Some people save them some don't.

70. If smoking from a bowl and you think its cashed, but arent sure, never just dump it out, at least offer the opportunity to the next smoker.

71. When smoking nugs, and there is a switch to a lesser quality (but no less appreciated) type of Bud, be kind and let the rest know, in case they want to handle their hits differently, if ya know what I mean.

72. Don't give shotguns so that you can sneak in some hits before blowing-especially if it's not your weed. It's shady and obvious (to experienced smokers).

73. Never act grumpy or bitchy before smoking...just relax. Afterall, you'll be happy in a little while anyway.

74. Never say to someone who has smoked their weed with you "I'm not high".

75. Never ask to borrow or have a persons bong, bowl, blunts or papers without offering to smoke them up, too.

76. If the bong spills, don't hide the fact from the homeowner. Offer aid if they select a course of action for cleanup.

77. Never roll seeds or stems in a joint, or blunt. You just get a headache, and burn holes in your clothes- seeds explode like popcorn. Plus seeds stank!

78. Never drop the lighter into the water of a gravity bong. Never rest a lighter on the top of your bong. Sooner or later, it'll go swimming.

79. When scoring for a friend it is never polite to expect that they will just give you a nug, you have to make the decision before hand whether or not to pinch a nug.

80. ALWAYS CLEAN YOUR PLATE (finish your bong loads, everybody deserves a fresh hit).

81. NEVER DROP THE BATTON! (translation: Never put down a "j" until it is done), and by all means never let it go out...that's a No No.

82. The morning after a long night, and it just so happens you never made it back home, never, I mean never, take the last bong load or the last hit left in the pipe. Leave that for the owner of the house.

83. Never steam someones weed to add weight. Bad Karma!

84. When toking in a group, make it obvious that you're passing to the next person. No one wants to be rude and grab it but at the same time - let's not waste the schmoke, or make people ask, "Is that a pass?".

85. Avoid coughing - it diminishes the Zen quality of herbalizing. If you feel your lungs beginning to burst, slowly and steadily exhale the smoke until the pressure subsides. A "controlled cough" is accepted because it can get you even higher, but at least cover your damn mouth.

86. Suck slow never fast or you will be coughing all over the place, waste your weed and maybe even get a mouthful of bongwater.

87. If your animal likes a good buzz, it's all good, but don't leave your stash out where they can get at it. If they eat it, and get very high, they do dumb & uncoordinated things (like falling down a whole flight of stairs, resulting in a broken wrist and herniated vertebrae).

88. Always offer to goto the store for goodies and drinks ahead of time so when the muchies kick in or the dreaded cottonmouth occurs, you'll be prepared and be able to enjoy the high.

89. In the middle of session whether it be joint or other, never decide to tell a story when it is passed to you instead of hitting it. This is called story toking.

90. Dont hit or knock the bowl if it is not pulling through. Bongs crack, bowls break. Use a poker. If it's your bong hit away.

91. When someone else is hitting, don't laugh or do something to cause laughter until the hit is over and the weed has been passed.

92. If someone is rolling your weed for you, always give them the amount that you want to be rolled.

93. Puff Puff Pass.

94. After a night of good toking, don't take the homeowners bong with you. 95. Never talk about bad stuff when you are stoned, it brings you down and pickles peoples heads with bad thoughts.

96. When smoking a water-bong, NEVER, under any circumstances, EVER blow INTO the bong. This will result in the soakage of your Nugz.

97. Don't act like a bitch to the fool thats Smokin you out.

98. Don't fuck with the person who's tryin to roll the Weed.

99. If you know someone that's always nice to you whenever you have Chronic and never gives a rat's ass about you any other time, let em know you don't wanna be taken advantage of with your Stash. They are called Free-Loaders.

100. Don't fuck with people when they're Stoned, let them enjoy the High.

101. To all the Glass Owners - keep the mouth piece and the carb holes clean. You don't want to gross out your guest.

102. Never hold onto the lighter and play with it as a toy after your Hit.

103. A burn victim is only a choice member of the bowl holders group. if he or she laughs without cause out loud or inside silently knowing that it's all unknown and that contemplation wonder and time loss and blank spots in memory are all sure signs to thank the donation that has gladly been passed around and inquire on some personal for those you run into later who have a clue.

104. Never ask your best Bud for his last Bud because when his old lady Bud gets home and their is no Bud for her he will get no Bud tonight.

105. Never ask someone for some Pot when you know they only have a little and you never return a favor to them. You're greedy.

106. If you are well connected and have access to better-than-regular kick-ass-Ganga then shut up about it and Smoke up your Buds.


  1. this too many rules lol...glad i don't smoke. i wouldnt be very smoker friendly prolly haha


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