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Damn That's some Real Talk! - Control of the Conn can be compared to a lot of things. Tug of war, Pool, etc. Have you ever thought of comparing it to Crimson Tide? In the movie Crimson Tide Denzel Washington was in control of the submarine, (thus in control of the "Conn') But Gene Hackman was the Captain and some Crew thought it would be better if Hackman was in Control of the Conn. So a divide and subsequent small war ensued on the ship. Blah Blah Blah

The point is instead of really working together in a relationship, we all vie for Control of the Conn. Nobody wants to play #2, so everyone wants to be the boss. We will not stop until we have control of the conn. Fearing the possibility of hurt or disappointment, we never allow someone else partial/full control of the relationship we are both involved in.

I bet it makes a whole lot more sense now! If not, See Crimson Tide.